Even though I was raised as a good Episcopalian, I have always considered myself more spiritual than religious. While I appreciate the pomp and pageantry of a high Episcopalian service or the beauty of finding a new embellishment in the Washington Cathedral that I have never noticed before, I find myself more attuned to all of the beauty being the praise to God, rather than the words that are spoken. As such, over the years I have pursued spirituality in a variety of formats. I have found commonality amongst all of the religions and spiritual practices I have learned about. I figured out that the Bible is just one form of imparting life's important lessons. The message can come in a variety of packages.
One of the first spirituality lessons I learned was about being Present. I was living in New York and discovered a small group of disciples who came together for a weekly class. The first time I went, the lesson was on being present. The teacher talked to us about how we often carried on a conversation with ourselves, inside our heads. He differentiated this from just plain thinking. Instead, it is random thoughts, "what ifs", thoughts that take you away from the present. He told us that the lesson was to learn how to be in the here and now, experiencing what is before you.
Our homework for the week was to practice being more present, to pay attention to your surroundings, and to stop having that conversation in your head. It was interesting to hear how people had found various ways to stay present. My favorite was one person who said he started counting how many people he passed on the sidewalk with sneakers on. I wasn't that creative, but found that over the course of the week, I began to notice places I hadn't seen before. I observed people. I observed my surroundings. And I can say that the world looked different to me. It had a vibrancy and a pulse that I seemed to have been missing.
On a subsequent week, our lesson was about taking action. We had no idea what this meant, but the teacher promised us that it would tie together with the concepts of being present and stopping that conversation that goes on in your head. He didn't give us very much instruction, which was frustrating for most of us. We knew he had been intentional about that. He abruptly told us to pair off and then engage each other in a conversation about what it means to "take action". After about 10 minutes of discussion, he brought us back together to share our experience with each other.
The most fascinating thing that came out of our experience was that there was one woman who ended up without a partner when we paired off; we apparently were an odd number. She shared that she spent the first few minutes having a conversation in her head. She was wondering why she was the only one who didn't have a partner. Was there something wrong with her? Why hadn't anyone picked her? She was wondering why this had happened to her and not anyone else. After a few minutes, the teacher went over to her and offered to be her partner for the exercise. But the real lesson was that if she had taken some action, i.e. had gone straight to the teacher and said that she didn't have a partner, she would have saved herself from having that conversation in her head. She wouldn't have been starting to feel bad and raising imaginary doubts because she had not immediately found a partner. If she had stayed in the present, she would have resolved the problem immediately.
The last important lesson that was taught was about listening. If you are fully present, you are giving the person talking 100% of your attention. It is very easy to go off into your own thoughts (that conversation inside your head again), anticipating how you are going to respond to someone's comment or thinking about an experience you may have had that was similar, maybe even a question. If you are doing those things, you aren't listening; you are not present. The teacher also taught us that when you have a question or don't understand something during the course of a conversation, careful listening will often reveal the answer; have some patience and see if the answer comes.
Those powerful lessons never left me. It doesn't mean I don't have times when I am caught up in one of those silly conversations inside my head. But now I can quell that conversation and bring myself back to the present. The listening trick really works if you practice it. And I try not to let my brain go wild with doubts, fears, and other dark thoughts. I try to find a way to take some action to move forward. It has helped me finally start to learn how to quiet my mind and to experience the benefits of restorative yoga and meditation.
Being more present allows me to observe many of the beautiful things that life has to offer: the butterfly taking nectar from my zinnias on this beautiful fall day; the turning leaves; a beautiful sunset or a full moon. It shows when you are present, even changes how people react to you. People notice you, smile at you, speak to you.
I am struck by how many people are no longer really present. I wrote this for those who are walking down the street with their heads buried in their i-Phone, to those who have nearly been run over because they were texting while crossing the street, oblivious to traffic; for those who leave their phone on 24/7 and respond in the middle of the night; to those that hold multiple conversations while talking on their cellphone; to those that ride the subway with their music blasting so loud in their earbuds that they are unaware of their surroundings; to those whose fingers are on the "on" button on their cellphone before the plane hits the ground; to those that text while driving...they're not being present. They are missing out on the world around them, that human-to-human, face-to-face, touch-to-touch experience, the things that are really important in life. In some cases, they are even endangering themselves and others.
Our digital age and our grueling schedules don't leave us much time to experience and explore that inner peace and deep understanding of what life is all about. So, slow down, take a deep breath and try being a little more present. If someone you love or care about is too attached to their digital toys, see if you can slow them down a little, too. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Something good might even come of it...
