It has been a while since I have posted a blog entry. I've been inspired, but not motivated enough to come to this place of catharsis (why else would you start a blog?). I decided to write a new post this morning, in remembrance of 9/11.
I was telecommuting, thank God, that day. I was up early and was already deep into my work when my sister called me and told me to turn on the television. We stayed on the phone as I turned on the tv and together, we watched in horror as the 2nd plane hit the second World Trade Tower. By then, we were riveted to the television and to each other on the phone. For over two hours, we watched in disbelief as the world around us changed, both nearby and not too far north of us.
It was unnerving to see people running out of the White House in panic. We always thought, mistakenly, that the White House was capable of defending itself pretty well. Being only 11 blocks away from the White House made me suddenly feel much more vulnerable; even more so when the news reported that fighter jets had just been launched from Andrews Air Force Base and then I heard them fly overhead. This was unprecedented. I wasn't sure if it made me feel any safer or if it made me feel closer to the action.
As horrible as the crash into the Pentagon was, for some reason, the World Trade Tower crashes were what lingered in my mind. The horror of watching people leap to their deaths rather than be consumed by fire was a vision that just wouldn't leave me...it sill hasn't. Then seeing the towers collapse was another vision that sent a sickening feeling through me. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the people who had been trapped in the towers. What would I have done if I had been there? What would those final moments have been like? Would I have been one of the lucky ones who had bucked the advice and left instead of staying put in my office? Seeing the dazed people walking around in the aftermath gave me a good idea of what it might have been like.
The reality of the Pentagon crash hit me the first time I ventured across the 14th Street bridge. You couldn't get a really good view of it from that perspective, but it finally hit me...what had really happened. The Pentagon, our symbolic bastion of strength and might had been violated, spat upon. It would have been bad enough it if had been a terrible plane accident...something not totally unexpected given the approach to National Airport. But to think that this had been planned and done on purpose was so hard to fathom. When I finally got to a place where I could see a better view of the gaping hole in the Pentagon, my thoughts again went to those that perished inside. They could have never imagined that such a thing would ever happen. I hoped that it went quickly for those that died...that it happened in such a flash that they didn't have time to realize what was happening. I also imagined what it must have been like to be on the highway that morning, and seeing the plane actually crash. I feel for all of those who witnessed that up close and personal view. I am sure their memories are much more intense than mine...a distant bystander.
I can't forget Flight 93. It was the one headed straight for D.C. and our biggest threat. That was what prompted the fighter jets. It brought me back to the thought of how close I lived to the White House; what it must feel like to be in a war torn country; wondering whether our air defense was a good as they said it was. As some of the information came out about this last crash, my thoughts went to the brave passengers and their heroism. Even patriotism, for clearly their thought was that if they were going to die anyway, they might as well prevent other innocent people from dying. I felt for all of the passengers on all of the flights that day. I knew that at some point they realized that their death was imminent and I hoped that their final moments of terror were short-lived.
This was contrasted by the shameful, though not intentional, fear shown by President Bush when he finally came on the airwaves. I couldn't believe that our Commander-in-Chief couldn't get himself together enough to not look so shaken. It didn't instill any confidence that we were safe or that we had someone in charge who was capable of keeping us safe. Thus started a new world order post-9/11.
My first trip to National Airport after it re-opened was a quick hop to New York on the shuttle. It was eerie to walk through the airport, nearly devoid of passengers and stores shuttered. Everyone was quiet, like there was a hush over the aiport. I felt comfortable flying because I knew that there was an air marshall on board. I didn't even try to check out the passengers to see if I could figure out which one was going to be our in-flight protection. I think I didn't really want to know. And I took the pre-boarding announcement to heart and made sure I took a trip to the ladies room before boarding, since we weren't going to be allowed out of our seats. Flying into New York and seeing the missing Trade Towers made my heart sink yet again. The changed skyline was my reminder of how many unsuspecting people lost their lives that day, in a most horrific manner.
Ten years later, I abhor what it has done to us. All of the barriers around our monuments are a constant reminder. Removing my shoes and remembering to not wear an underwire bra when I fly has become de rigeur. It is no longer an enjoyable experience to fly and I have been avoiding it as much as possible. And I am not sure that all of these measures make me feel any safer. I tend to lean toward those who see this as more "theater" than effective action. I resent the fact that I may have to choose between a virtual strip experience and a pat-down. I have decided to go for the pat-down, if I must. Somehow, the idea of being x-rayed and viewed just about au naturel by TSA agents seems like the ultimate violation. The pat-down is only a slight improvement.
I still don't think we have the real answers to the issue of terrorism. If there are people so hateful and hell-bent on destruction, I am not sure we can realistically find and capture all of them. I applaud President Obama for finishing off the job that Bush couldn't complete, and killing Bin Laden. But again, I assume all this has done is foment some future plot. I think the answer lies in our intelligence communiity. And for us to become better educated on who is really threatening us. I have not succumbed to looking at everyone who is middle eastern, muslim or dressed in arab garb as a threat. Nor do I ever want to stoop that low. Americans are supposed to be better than that. I live in hope that we can find a better way to screen people than making everyone feel like a criminal until proven otherwise. There's got to be a better way.
So, in spirit, I send my condolences to all that felt the impact of 9/11. Ten years later, we are still going through the grieving and the healing process. May each day get better for all of us.
9/11/11
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